Wednesday, April 19, 2006

The New Sniffle Strategy

So, Scratch has pretty much laid it out for me that handkerchiefs will never come back, because they are "gross." So, OK.

This morning, I sat next to a perky, 20-something blonde who was sniffling like all get out. It was a chorus, a fugue, of sniffles. I started thinking I was going to go insane. It was sniffle torture. That's when I concocted my new plan.

First, I thought of buying a big box of tissues. When the sniffling starts, I could whip the box out of my bag and just hold it up. That way, anyone who wanted one could just take it. Then I realized that people would think I was crazy. I might get some moniker like "Krazy Kleenex Lady" or something. So I fine-tuned.

At CVS, I bought an 8 pack of pocket-size tissue things. While I would love to put decorative labels on them that say things like "See a sniffle? Pass these on!" or, more honestly, "You're Disgusting!" I don't want to draw negative attention. So here's what I'm going to do:

At all times, in addition to my own little pocket-pack, I will carry 2 or three extras. If the person directly in front of me, behind me, or next to me starts up, I will politely offer them the packet - I wish there was a way for me to individually wrap just a couple of tissues without making them look 'tampered with' - come on, tissue makers! Make something called a 'courtesy pack' that is cheaper just for me, OK? Until that happens, I will encourage them to keep the whole pocket pack. I will not say anything else. Maybe "You're Welcome!" if they say thank you. This will be my new hygiene revolution. One sniffler at a time.

Sure, this will cost me a couple of dollars a week. But I think the peace of mind is worth it. You can thank me later. I'll be posting on weekdays to let you know how my plan goes. If I can get good at it, maybe I will use my cell phone camera to take pictures. But I doubt it.

I'm looking for sponsorship - any tissue companies out there want to supply me with some freebies?

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