The Un-cooler Than You Blog

Ever had a CT scan? You hear that a lot. But not from a person! From a computerized recording. "HOLD YOUR BREATH." Then, about 20 seconds later, "BREATHE." I suppose the technician can't do it? Or maybe the Radiographer Union (if there is one) negotiated it?

I've had two CT scans in the past 7 days. Here are my reviews:

Lincoln Ave. Open MRI, on Lincoln & Winnemac: This is your average strip mall radiography joint. A spiral CT on my kidneys took one hour total, including form-filling-outing. Nice staff, lockers for your stuff. Too bad they can't read the results for shite. The recorded breathe voice was female.

St. Francis Hospital, Evanston: Wow! My CT scan of entire abdomen took only 5 minutes. The 'breathe' voice is male, and is aided by two cartoon faces that light up, one looks like a happy, open mouthed pac man, and the second looks like the "wind" cartoon on an old map, sort of. The breathe voice is male and oddly soothing. Oh yeah, and there's a countdown clock so you know how long you will be holding your breath! So, so considerate.

Oh yeah, and the doctors at St. Francis not only LOOKED AT (unlike my doctor's office) but actually INTERPRETED my results! Holy mackeral! So I have a nasty thing that isn't a kidney stone, that I don't know if I want to talk about to the internet. I'll give you two guesses, it's about being a girl and it's not cancer. Oh, and it's SO PAINFUL I WANT TO KILL SOMEONE. That's why I haven't been contributing to this, I'm in a lot of pain, and when I'm not, I'm on Vicodin, or Darvocet, or some other delicious sleepytime pill. I don't know how I'm going to work this week, but I'll figure it out.

To sum up: My doctor=bad, St. Francis Hospital=good, Maggie=in pain! Happy Labor Day!